where am i from again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Randomize
