porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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