More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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