If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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