I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
