too bad you live with your parents still
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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