look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
