Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
