My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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