hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
