At least make sure they are 18
Why
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
