so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
