I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
