Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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