One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
