he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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