even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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