just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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