if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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