Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
