Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
