My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
