I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
