somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
