FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
