whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
