I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
