I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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