I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
