hotel room ftw
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
