Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My feet surprised me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
