We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
