she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
