Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
