3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
