too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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