I wish my penis had an off switch
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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