I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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