Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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