This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
