Whod you bang
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
