I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
