Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
