Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
