just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
