Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
