Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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