Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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