Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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