Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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