Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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