marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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