Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
