My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
