I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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